Tuesday, November 1, 2011

I chose this picture because its simple.
Its just me, being me.
This is who I am every minute of every day.
I laugh.
roll my eyes.
Lately, I've been feeling different.
I feel in control, powerful and strong.
I know exactly who I am, where I need to be, and what I will do.

Where I am right now is a direct reflection of where I was 8 months ago.
The process of establishing who I am today, ends here and started here:

Who the fuck are you to look me in the eyes and lie to me for a fucking year. You disgust me. You are a pig. Scum. Lower than fucking dirt. I can't comprehend how you can fuck someone, with full knowledge that saving it for us to have together was one of the most important aspects of our entire relationship. Worse part is, I gave you chances to tell me. I looked you dead in the eyes and asked you, pleaded, begged you to tell me the truth. You didn't even have enough respect to fucking even give me that. All the while telling me, I need to be a better fucking girlfriend. I NEEDED to put out. That you loved me. That you protected me. That you respected me. That you would never hurt me. What a fucking joke. I regret every I love you. Every I trust you. Every plan. Every memory. At this point, I'm done crying for you. Because I fucking deserve better than your life will even come close to giving me. I thank God above I never gave you all of me. I knew it. I knew it all along and I couldn't bring myself to admit it because I was willing to forgive and forget. Because that's what fucking love does to you. It fucking blinds you. All the cliches, sayings... they're not just bullshit. Its the fucking truth.Too bad for you. I hope you feel like shit for the rest of your life. I hope you never live this down. No, I don't have to wish this upon you, karma's got you taken care of. Trust me. In the end, I win. I didn't lose something irreplaceable to fuck a cunt who meant nothing. I didn't and don't have to live with a guilty conscience. I don't have to have your whole family know about my faults. I don't have to live every motherfucking day knowing that I lost the best thing that ever happened to me. I see who you really are now and, I don't know you. You're not who I fell for. But, I guess he left a long time ago.  I hope it gives you pure hell to watch the best thing you ever had walk away. I get to walk away with the satisfaction that I didn't bend my values to your selfishness. I get to know that even with all of the great memories and feelings you gave me, someone else can give me that better than you. I don't feel sad. I'm not angry. I don't even want revenge. I feel sorry for you, and that tops every other emotion. I'll forever be the-one-who-got-away. Eat your heart out.

I write best when I'm angry.

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